Estimated Reading Time | 8 Minutes
“I keep coming too quickly and it’s really embarrassing and putting a strain on our sex life and it’s frustrating because it never used to happen and the more I think about it the worse I feel and it’s really getting me down and I don’t feel like a man.”
Fear not. There are ways around it and even some methods to seriously reduce the problems.
Gentleman, it’s time to learn the right stuff on how to delay the white stuff. But first, let’s find out if you’re definitely suffering from premature ejaculation.
What is Premature Ejaculation?
“Premature ejaculation (PE) occurs prior to or within about one minute of vaginal penetration from the first sexual experiences (lifelong PE), or, a clinically significant and bothersome reduction in latency time, often to about three minutes or less (acquired PE).”
Put simply, you have ‘lifelong PE’ if you’ve been jizzing your whole life in less than a minute.
Or you have ‘acquired PE’ if your performance time has shot down at some point to less than three minutes, you feel like you have a lack of control and it’s causing you distress.
Before we learn the causes, who wants to know what Mr. Average looks like under the sheets?
So if you’re worrying because you’re a ‘five-minute man’, you can breath a sexual sigh of relief (not that kind). You’re actually bang on average.
While today’s internet is permeated with male porn stars who can go more rounds under the sheets than Rocky Balboa on Viagra, it’s not surprising that men are setting the bar a lot higher than necessary.
“The vast majority of men in porn take nearly toxic doses of boner drugs, and they wouldn’t be in porn if they didn’t have excellent control to begin with.”
Causes of Premature Ejaculation
There’s no doubt it is incredibly difficult for men to deal with premature ejaculation.
“For most men who come in less than a minute, premature ejaculation feels like a joke their body is playing on itself,” says Joaniddes.
“Their penis feels like it’s had hundreds of thrusts before their partner barely has her panties off. As much as they would love to have intercourse, they start to dread it because they feel like losers who can’t please their partners.”
But what would cause the mind and body to be so cruel?
Conditioning in teenage years
Right now male teenagers far and wide are blasting away in their bedrooms as quick as possible in pure fear.
Well if you’re a man who’s wasn’t raised in the hardcore bible belt or a mormon, you’ll remember the following:
While you tug away, there’s always a chance your mom’s gonna walk up the stairs, indiscriminately open the door and end your world as you know it.
This conditioning to jerk-off at light-speed can actually lead to PE as your brain is used to telling your manhood to get a move on.
Feelings of Shame
If you were in fact raised in the hardcore bible belt or you’re a mormon, you may be suffering from PE due to feelings of shame around sex and masturbation.
On a more serious note, some men have become anxious towards sex because of childhood trauma involving sex such as abuse.
If this is the case then you should consider speaking to a professional therapist.
Don’t think of a pink elephant. You just did didn’t you? The same goes for PE.
If you place pressure on yourself not to come out of fear of embarrassment and feelings of inadequacy, then all you’re going to think about is coming. And before you know it the fat lady has well and truly sung.
Health and Biological
Withdrawal from SSRI
Early ejaculation is also linked to side effects of withdrawal from SSRI antidepressants. Some recreational drugs might also contribute to premature ejaculation.
A Short Frenulum
This is because having a short frenulum could cause tension in certain areas of your glans corona (the bottom part of your ‘mushroom’) which is one of the most sensitive parts of your manhood.
Ways To Deal With Premature Ejaculation
Thinking of Other Things?
From counting sheep, imagining scoring a winning goal in the World Cup or even thinking about your grandma on the toilet, men have tried countless ways to kill their urge to come in futile attempts to deal with premature ejaculation.
However, “This makes sex less fun for themselves and their partners,” according to Joaniddes.
“It’s like a race-car driver thinking about golf when he’s entering a high-speed turn. To think about something besides pleasure is not a good way to last longer. It could lead to erection problems, so you’ll then have erectile disfunction and will still come too soon.”
Often PE can be symptomatic of psychological issues or unresolved issues from childhood as mentioned earlier.
With the right therapist you can get to the bottom of this and start having a happy, sexual relationship.
The Squeeze Technique
The ‘Squeeze Technique’ involves your partner pleasuring you to just before the point of climax, then squeezing your manhood, letting yourself calm down again and repeating.
“The squeeze technique for premature ejaculation has been around for almost as long as the penis itself and is sued by many men to deal with premature ejaculation,” says Joaniddes. “This will help your body learn how to be in a high state of arousal without ejaculating. You should focus on trying to tolerate more sensation.
“Also, it helps if the couple can cut themselves plenty of slack. There will be times when a guy reaches the point of no return before his partner can squeeze or pause. It’s no big deal.”
Pelvic Floor Exercises
Check out Trojan Extended Pleasure and Durex Performax Condoms. These condoms have benzocaine gel on the inside to desensitize or numb out the penis.
“People tend to either love or hate them,” says Joaniddes. “The biggest complaint is that these condoms numb out the penis so much that some men lose all sensation, and their erection as well. The biggest praise is that they numb out the penis enough so a man can last longer than he normally does.”
Mixing it up in the bedroom
For Joaniddes, too much focus is on how long a man can last as a precursor for how good he is in the sack.
“When it comes to sexual intimacy, mutual pleasure can’t always be measured with a stopwatch. Men with PE are often so focused on their failure that they aren’t able to enjoy ways of making sex more fun and rewarding,” he says.
“Plenty of men learn to deal with premature ejaculation by becoming really good at pleasing a woman with oral sex or different kinds of massage. Some couples act out fun scenarios and kinky fantasies together. There’s no reason why coming quickly should get in the way of having great sex.”
Talk Talk Talk
As they adage goes, ‘communication is key.’ You need to communicate with your lady about the problem so it doesn’t become the elephant in the room.
This is the most important thing to do:
“There is often a major disconnect between what a man thinks his partner wants and what she really wants. So if either of you is concerned about PE, the first thing to deal with premature ejaculation is to talk about it together,” says Joaniddes.
“She might prefer that you spend more time kissing, caressing, or giving her oral sex. Maybe she wants you to be more of a take-charge kind of guy when it comes to sex. Either way, talking it over is an important step.”
Have A Good Sense Of Humor
On a final note, here’s one for your partner:
“One of the essential ways to help a man to last longer is don’t forget to have a sense of humor,” says Joaniddes.
“Humor is the sexual lubricant for the soul. The chances are, a man with PE is angry and frustrated with himself. Humor and a tolerance for frustration aren’t a cure. However, they can help, and sometimes a great deal, but they require motivation and a long-term commitment by both partners.”
Perhaps you’ve experienced something similar to this? Speak out gentleman, it affects one in three of us — there’s no shame. If you have any tips on how to deal with premature ejaculation let’s help each other out in the comment section below.